Recently we had the last of seven Pluto-Uranus squares.
We all have our individual journeys and purpose. Some people struggle with not knowing their purpose of what they “should” do. But even “purpose” can be over-analyzed, disconnecting ourselves from what we always knew, but we are too distracted to tune in. Some people mistake occupation for purpose, as if purpose is that huge big thing we need to “do” or define as, a “career” when it is simply how we show up every day wherever we are, in whatever circumstances, whatever job we have, and how we relate to others. Words are so limiting and sometimes just our presence can affect others positively, the frequency/vibration we emit. I experience that more and more. I see that especially in my bodywork practice, working on 15-20 people a week, most of them strangers, when just simple nurturing touch can help a person more than a thousand words. Especially this digital age disconnects us from our bodies and there is much wisdom in our body. It’s how we access our intuition. There more we feel our subtle bodily sensations the more we can access our “inner knowing” without relaying on constant outside information or authority and then make the right decisions that guide us to our unique calling. But this also seems like a natural process that is different for each as we are all on different stages of our own personal evolution.
Comparing ourselves to others is the worst thing we can do. It actually cuts us off from who we truly are, our own unique voice and purpose with the relentless self-judgment and standards we put on ourselves, the pressure to “do”, to “become” something, the negative introject, resulting in shame and guilt of not being “good enough”, when the neurotic ego becomes our “life coach” with all its judgments of ourselves and even others, keeping us in a state of “fight or flight”. The rational mind is a beautiful tool that shouldn’t be dismissed obviously. We need critical thinking but not at the expense of our intuition and deeper emotions that guide us where the mind cannot help us. It’s easy to rationalize anything and we can trick ourselves that way, cutting us off from the body and intuitive insights for which we have no rational explanation and are even hard to put into words. Then there is the struggle of “ego”, either inflated with its sense of entitlement, righteousness or the opposite end, feeling victimized, diminished and less-then, and so the struggle is within, as always, and we all struggle with it.
Looking back at my life I know that the major decisions in my life that aligned me with my “purpose” or path did not come from a rational thought processes, but stemmed from an embodied inner knowing where there was no doubt whatsoever, nor did I ever plan on it nor did I have any clue where it was leading me to, kinda like the saying “tell god your plans and he/she will laugh at you”. There was no “I should do this” coming from the mind either, or making a list in my head about pro and cons, nor was there any anxiety, pressure, or hurry, no fear whatsoever. I felt like being pushed and guided along by something far bigger than the mind can grasp. Sometimes we forget that we are transducers of higher energies which we need to align ourselves with. Even now I have no idea what the future holds. I don’t make long range plans anymore. It’s all about where my intuition guides me on a day to day basis. I’m not saying not to plan. It’s good to have intentions and visions of future endeavors, just be open for change without tunnel vision. That is how manifestation works as well and we get exactly what we actually truly want and need which is in alignment with our higher purpose and evolution of consciousness. It’s just the neurotic ego that thinks it’s in charge, trying to control and can’t see the bigger picture and wants something else based on conditioning and programming, our subconscious self-defeating programs, lack of healthy self love and the resulting sense of lack in our lives, be it the lack of a partner, a more fulfilling job, or abundance, which often times is mistaken as a lack of money.
Even so-called “bad” things that happen to us eventually help to push us on to our own unique path, even if it results in broken relationships and friendships, financial hardship and it can be very hurtful and confusing in the moment. We can only connect the dots looking back even if it doesn’t make sense in the moment. It’s just if we resist change and fight it, blame and complain that we miss the deeper message and guidance that is all around us if we know how to listen and see. This is also where faith comes in, not faith in some religious god, but faith as in learning how to swim and trusting that the river of life is guiding you to the destination even if you cannot see where it is going, and the destination is different than you think of now, but actually more aligned with who you truly are, not clinging and holding on to rocks out of fear of the unknown.
I also feel less drawn to spend time on the computer, but more time in nature, engaging in any practices that help me to tune into my body, be it qi gong, meditation, dance, yoga or bodywork and also connecting with others in real life, eye to eye. This whole social media business has really cut us off from personal interactions. Despite the great things of sharing information and connecting online, the limits of typing words on a screen, chatting, and messaging have become too obvious to ignore. It’s interesting, lately I’ve met some FB friends in real life or via skype. Some of them mentioned that I come across way more gentle energetically in person than my online presence. Well, obviously what we see of each other online is just a fraction of who we are as a whole and words on a screen can easily be misinterpreted or projected falsely into into when there is face-to-face interaction missing, not knowing each other personally. My Aquarius Sun, Mercury in Capricorn and Mars in Aries certainly comes more through online with all the directness, intellect and no BS approach at times, the masculine side. My Cancer Rising, Moon in Cancer and Venus in Pisces, the feminine qualities (since we all have male/female energies within us which have nothing to do with gender) show more up in personal real life interaction that go beyond words. So that is one way of looking at it astrologically, but the point is that perception of others online is very limited and we all tend to hide behind the screen anyway, interacting via typing words on a screen that cuts us off from our bodies.
For the longest time I had trouble trusting myself and my intuition that was always there, but the rational mind was over-riding it at times, coming up with all kinds of excuses not to trust myself, looking outside myself of guidance. Life has taught me the hard way not to listen to the more subtle cues buried deep on the body and emotions. Recently I had stupendous synchronicities in my life, guiding me to the right people who provided insight and information that were in perfect alignment with where I’m at and we also do that to others, helping them in ways that were not consciously planned and sometimes we don’t even know how we help others with little things that seem insignificant but made somebody else’s day.
So these are just some insights I share here. All I can say be good to yourselves and others. We all can get triggered at times, act from our neurotic ego, seeking validation, seeking attention, seeking love, but in the end that is what we need to give ourselves first, healthy self-love (which is not narcissism) and self-acceptance. We make mistakes, have our down days, but all this is part of this human experience, especially during these crazy energies. Don’t beat yourself up, no need to get frustrated with others. Others may lash out on you, attack you and shame you, but in the end it is their own unacknowledged pain they project on you, even people who constantly “scream” at the world and how everything is fucked up tend to project their own pain and frustration on to the world and others. I’ve certainly done that and still may at times when I feel the need to rant and just be raw without filter. That is fine, repressing these feelings is no good either, the question is how to go about it more consciously and constructively. Personally, dancing helps me to purge deeper rooted anger and frustration or even just expressing joy like a child , but whatever works for you. For others is may be working out, going for a run, whatever, just get into your body.
That’s also where compassion and empathy come in. Everyone is suffering to one degree or another. These are intense times but also exciting times to be alive. I’m not saying to not speak out about what is going on in the world, but I suggest to stay grounded, get into your body, tune into your intuition, get off your computer more often. FB can become an addiction and escape as well, scrolling down mindlessly the news feed or checking FB every ten minutes on your phone. I suggest leaving your smart phone at home at times, don’t check your messages every ten minutes, spend time in nature, connect with others in person, get into your body and you will see that there is something far bigger happening and you will learn a lot more about yourself than we can possibly understand with our little minds. We are being guided and helped and loved. But first we need to give that to ourselves and many times the advice we give others is what we need to apply to ourselves first and foremost, just as I need to apply to myself what I write here. Before we can be truly of service and help this world and transformation we need to step into our own vulnerability and feel everything that comes up without judgment. Don’t resist what is trying to emerge. Don’t buy into fear or get stuck in 3D thinking and view of the world. The only way out is through and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Most of all, learn to trust yourself. The wisdom is in the body which no book, teacher or authority can tell you about since it is unique to you and for you. heart emoticon
“Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.
With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin.
I’m reaching up and reaching out.
I’m reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one’s been.
We’ll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one’s been.
Spiral out. Keep going…”
– Tool, Lateralus
Art by Humberto Braga