“We did not find ourselves in this immeasurably privileged position – embodying an instrument of sentient capability, each one of us an autonomous instrument of sensuality, of divine Consciousness, seeing beauty, feeling love – so that we could, upon finding ourselves challenged by the shadow, run ‘home’, back to the ‘One’, to the Void, to the undifferentiated ocean of potential. We belong here; this is our home…
We had come to tread between the worlds, between agony and ecstasy, between the dream and the nightmare, to become strong and courageous, to surrender any shallow dream of happiness, cruelly torn away as the light and the shadow fashioned our joy and sorrow in equal measure, to fall deep in the waters of perpetual renewal and be weighed not against the laws of man but by the sacred law that exists beyond the rule of culture.
Happiness is for children. To reach for its sticky sweetness in the midst of an age of obvious terminal decline, whilst wars and genocide rage a short plane ride away, is to reach for the snooze button. Happiness is a dangerous seductive detour; a way to make the prison more comfortable, the lies more palatable; to make this mutant paradigm, riddled with abominations, work for you personally by ensuring that all your ever-expanding comfort zones are satiated through a hollow consumer-based definition of abundance.
All the conditional components of your well-being need high maintenance to perpetuate this erroneous form of stability on the tightrope of survival between the cradle and the grave.
Happiness is for mortals. Bliss and ecstasy are not reliant upon the arrangement of circumstances but are realized by the loss of denial rather than adherence to it.
Intellectually, I know that it is against the flow of the wide, deep river of life to harbor regret and yet to this day there are words, deeds, moments that I would unashamedly reclaim from time’s steely hold…if I could. In my mind and heart I have re-written some parts of the play and yet if it were any other way, would I be here today?
I treasure the shattering of my heart that rendered it able to hold more and the ‘divine ambivalence’ I gained, allowing me to find equipoise in the midst of bedlam and injustice, that I might care deeply and yet not give a damn.”
~ Juliet Carter